Hello, dear one!
I bet you’ve had this experience: After you agreed with a YES reluctantly because your heart couldn’t bear to disappoint or offend someone, you wished you had said a NO.
NO is not a simple two-letter word; it strikes the root of self-value. A yes could commit you to the loss of peace, time, money, or a sense of self-worth, which will cost you a piece of your life.
Recently my colleague, referring to her as Elaine here, reached out to me. She’s a soft-spoken introvert, with outstanding graphic design talents. But as a business owner, she’s challenged with a client.
One of her former clients referred her to a lady entrepreneur. From the very first zoom meeting, Elaine felt the aggressive demand from this woman. But this was a referral, and her business had been slow, Elaine caved in with a yes.
Since agreeing to take on the project for this entrepreneur, Elaine has regretted accepting it. This client is pushy, demanding, and worst of all, not compensating Elaine for the time needed with her constant demands and changes.
I asked Elaine to close her eyes feeling her body while recalling a few encounters with the client, and she instantly responded, “I feel so tense, contracted in my tummy.”
“But I don’t want to disappoint my past client. I’ll make it work. I only need to tolerate her for a little longer. I wish she would pay me for my worth. “ Elaine insisted and wished.
“Why do you think she’s not paying your worth and freely demanding your work?” I was curious.
Elaine surprised me, “I guess I’m weak. The more she demands, the more I kiss her ass to soothe her, and the more she abuses my time.”
“How does kissing up to her make you feel? Are you able to flow with your creativity under pressure and coercion?” I was compelled to learn.
“I felt small and belittled. My design ideas freeze when I’m under emotional stress and mental clutter.” Elaine admitted and then persisted.”It’s okay. I’ll handle her.”
Since Elaine decided to tolerate her client, no further discussion was necessary.
Her story reminded me of a quote from Henry David Thoreau,
“There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.”
Elaine is among the thousand who are experiencing the challenge, but she hasn’t yet identified the root of her challenge. She’s not in the season to strike at the root.
Will someone who regards herself highly choose to ignore her worth and pacify an inconsiderate client’s ego?
Being agreeable and generous is great for working together, but should it be a win-win situation for both parties?
I remember hearing a podcast from Professor Jordan Peterson regarding why women in general are paid less than men in the same job positions.
Peterson explained that there were many considerations involved in a raise, including skills, abilities, and social networks.
And the other factor is the ability to ASK for a raise! Women are more agreeable and don’t ask for money the way men do. To ask for a raise, women need to be willing to be disagreeable!
In Elaine’s case, being disagreeable means putting forward her own interest and honoring her time. However, she isn’t ready for this step because her client couldn’t have taken her for a free ride without her agreeing to it.
In the end, If she wants to be properly compensated, she needs to say NO, which may require her to walk out on her client, set clear working boundaries, and bluntly ask for a raise.
NO is a powerful and disagreeable agreement with self.
In clear conscience, aligned with core beliefs, your heightened discernment will guide you to the people who are worthy of you.
Your time, which is your life, is the most precious life account. Whom you spent time with will either cause you to credit the account or debit it.
Sometimes NO is the most self-loving and responsible reply. Well-being at all levels contributes to your wealth, and your wealth depends on your audacity to say NO.
Get used to saying NO, because NO is a ticket to a richer life!